Thursday, 3 August 2017

My Wife Fancies Ed Miliband – Help Me.


Having the 'So, which celebrities would be on your list for a Free Pass' game can sometimes have disturbing, nay nightmare-inducing effects. Especially when your beautiful, intelligent, relatively sane wife unleashes a series of deeply unsettling mental images that would make even the most twisted writer of slash-fiction retch into their wank-hankies (wankies?).

The chill of existential horror which shuddered through my every cell will echo through the remainder of my life like the ghost of a bad bacon sandwich.

I have no issue with Ed himself. I even met him recently (see the photo for proof of this) and he was an enthusiastic gentleman, eager to help garner support from the local constituents for our Labour MP. He was interesting and engaging and friendly.

Knowing that my wife had a thing for him, I asked for the photo and instantly sent it to her on WhatsApp. She was miles away on a motorway with our mutual friend Charlotte, and thus there was no chance she could emerge from a hedge and lunge at him, demanding bodice-ripping shenanigans with a man whose voice sounds like a banjo melting (a description I used while dealing with a barrage of Edgasmic ranting).

Again, I must say I have no issue with Ed. Ed isn't the problem. When my wife is murmuring about 'Ed's liberal, authentic, sincere compassionate policies' while sleeping in her This Wouldn't Have Happened If Ed Miliband Were Prime Minister t-shirt she got from the Miliverse online store, I can't help but feel a bit miffed.

To defend myself and try to restore some balance, I had to pick a celebrity crush as well. I decided on the lovely Jesy Nelson from pop sensations Little Mix (I blame all the smouldering looks and *that* smile). Hello Jesy. I hope you don't mind.



My wife's phone and iPad wallpapers are both of Ed in 'sexy' moments, or rather 'a bit gormless' moments to everyone but my wife (and presumably his as well). She has a poster of him during his Radio 2 interview with Barney from Napalm Death next to her side of the bed, (thanks a bunch, Kerrang) and between random songs, her YouTube sessions invariably include speeches, interviews or videos of Ed verbally destroying pork-product-enthusiast David Cameron while wearing a smart tie and doing the 'I'm making a point' lean.

When asked why she likes him, she says “Because he's more bothered about doing the good stuff than he is about looking good doing it.  He doesn't mind looking like a bit of an arse as long as he's doing the right thing. ” What? I've been making myself look like an arse for the whole ten years we've been together and it just makes me look like a heavy metal version of Frank Spencer.

You see, I can't help but be a bit depressed by this. Here I am, a bald Yorkshireman with a wardrobe of comic book t-shirts and very little in my head other than trivia about eighties genre movies, dealing with my beloved spouse salivating over a man often likened to Wallace from Wallace and Gromit and derided for his numerous unfortunate moments with consumable items.

He's taller than me and has a full head of hair, but can he put on a Sean Bean accent and yell 'Which bastard fired that round?' in such an authentic way? No.

He may be more successful, richer, more respected and generally way further in life than I'll ever be, but hey, as celebrity crushes go, I guess she could have gone the other way and been throwing her knickers at Jacob Rees-Mogg. Actually, she might still do that, but may fill them with locusts or something first. We peasants are like that.

But to get to the point, I'd like to say this: Claire – I met Ed and you didn't. So there.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

MR BIG - 'Defying Gravity'

The title track from the new Mr Big album makes for a damn fine music video. It's always a pleasure to hear Mr Big, as while the music is definitely straight ahead rock, it's always presented in their own unique way. The band remains outstanding in every way, and it's so cool to see Pat Torpey having fun in the video. They're one of the real treasures of the rock genre and currently don't get the credit they richly deserve.

Sunday, 16 July 2017

DOCTOR WHO: The 13th Doctor – Adventures Are For Everyone


With the wonderful news that Jodie Whittaker has been cast as the 13th Doctor has come a flood of positivity from fans around the world, along with a flood of outraged ranting from a lot of people who have forgotten that the Doctor is an alien. The Doctor is not a man. The Doctor is not a human being. The Doctor is a time-travelling alien from the planet Gallifrey who hurtles through time and space from one misadventure to another in a ship which is a 1950s wooden police box on the outside and a potentially infinite multi-dimensional time machine on the inside. When injured or at the end of a life cycle, the Doctor can regenerate into an entirely new person.

It's just that this time that person is a woman. Get over it.

I've been a Doctor Who fan for 29 years, since 'Remembrance of the Daleks' first aired. I made a living selling Doctor Who merchandise for several years. I watched, collected and obsessed over Doctor Who. In 2016 I became involved with the Doctor Who pantheon in a small way by having a story published in Doctor Who Adventures. What I'm trying to say is I know my Who, and I know that with the casting of Jodie Whittaker the right choice has been made.

It's been mooted for years that the Doctor should regenerate into a woman, or a non-white guy, and both of those ideas are perfectly valid. I mean, why not? We saw Romana regenerate several times at will before she found the form she was comfy with. We saw a Time Lord general regenerate and change gender towards the end of the Matt Smith era. We've had Missy reveal herself to be a regenerated Master (and absolutely steal the show). Female Time Lords (or indeed Time Ladies, as Romana may correct you) are not a new idea, and this first ever female Doctor isn't a way to pander to the so-called 'PC Brigade' that life-long complainers have invented.

What this is, to me, is a perfect example of showing that a series about adventures without limits doesn't have limits itself. In a show which defies physics at every turn, has the lead character trapped in a nightmare for a billion years or multiple versions of the same character working together without ripping apart reality, why not have the lead switch gender? Here's a show which once had our planet stolen in order to be part of a circuit which would allow a bomb to detonate all of reality itself. Now that Jodie Whittaker is the 13th Doctor, the only thing being detonated is the stuffy notion that the TARDIS should only be flown by a white guy. Hell, the TARDIS herself is female.

As a man who has loved Doctor Who far deeper than is possibly healthy for almost three decades, I can't wait to see where the Doctor takes us next.

Welcome on board the TARDIS, Jodie. I'm certainly along for the ride.

Saturday, 15 July 2017

First look at my NIGHTVEIL story in FEMFORCE 179

Here's a first peek at the brilliant art of Eric Van Elslande for my first ever NIGHTVEIL story, which will be published soon in Femforce issue 179 from AC Comics. It's the first time Eric has illustrated one of my scripts and I must say I'm extremely pleased with what I've seen so far.

Once the full details for the issue are released I can share the title and the inspiration for the story, but for now check out this glimpse of what is to come once Nightveil is finally active again on Earth!

ART OF ANARCHY – Echo Of A Scream


During the latter part of my time as a music journalist I reviewed the first ART OF ANARCHY album in the pages of Powerplay Rock and Metal Magazine. It was a solid album (I think I gave it 7/10) which I've found myself revisiting since the project began its new era. Originally fronted by the late Scott Weiland, (also featuring ex- Guns N' Roses guitarist Ron 'Bumblefoot' Thal) something didn't quite gel for me.

The music worked well, the production was spot on and the songs were well crafted, but Weiland didn't seem to fit, to my ears anyway. That may have been somewhat to do with him dismissing the project soon after it was out, making his feelings felt that it wasn't a band.

His sad loss in 2015 meant that there would be music which would go unheard, and a second shot at Art of Anarchy would be amongst those things I figured we'd never hear. Then Art of Anarchy took on former Creed vocalist Scott Stapp and started work on new material.

Listening to them now it feels a lot more like a band than just a project. Stapp has had his issues in recent years, but it's clear he's putting those behind him and putting a lot into his performance. I must say I'm digging this tune from their album 'The Madness' which came out back in March.

Saturday, 13 May 2017

Album Review: LUXURY STRANGER – 'Darkness Falls Upon The Light'

LUXURY STRANGER

'DARKNESS FALLS UPON THE LIGHT'

Cold Insanity Music/Earth-Two Records

2017

Another Intoxicated Release 
Dismissal 
Wash 
A Triumph of the Heart 
When The Lady Takes The Blame 
The Real Is Done 
Side Of The Road 
Diver 
Darkness Falls Upon The Light 



The Nottingham-based Luxury Stranger are a fascinating act to listen to be it live or on disc, one of those rare bands which sound compelling no matter how their music is consumed.

This third album of original material is a testament to the dedication and creative vision of frontman Simon York, whose songs manage to reference a plethora of classic artists without ever resorting to pastiche. This is music which has been lived. As with a lot of the band's material, the overall atmosphere is one both of euphoria and melancholy, and the line between the two fluctuates throughout the album.

'Another Intoxicated Release' opens the album with an off-kilter rhythm, hypnotic bass and guitars awash with delay. Topped with the strong croon of Mr York, the listener is reminded of the darker moments of David Bowie, Iggy Pop and Joy Division, while the musical undercurrent plays somewhere between Bauhaus and early U2. In keeping with the song title, it is a most intoxicating thing.

'Dismissal' is more thoughtful, the aural landscape colder, the militaristic beat of its opening giving way to an uplifting chorus which is remarkably satisfying. 'Wash' is lyrically and musically sinister but has a great hook and a driving rhythm keeping it moving, while 'A Triumph of The Heart' brings a classic Echo & The Bunnymen swagger to proceedings.


The album version of 'When The Lady Takes The Blame' is notably different to its single counterpart, which was something of a surprise after loving the single version so much. To those who hear it here for the first time it will always be this slower, darker piece of chameleonic pop, but those already familiar with the single will find a new side of the song to enjoy.

'The Real Is Done' sounds like Luxury Stranger, by which I mean that by this point on the first listen the band's sound really becomes audible and you stop looking for comparisons. With further listens to the album you realise that unique sound was there all along.

'Side Of The Road' is a sparse and edgy piece of post-punk pop which comes across rather like Joy Divison covering Johnny Cash. The monochromatic rock of 'Diver' further demonstrates the quality of York's songwriting, each tune following a seemingly straightforward structure yet full of surprises. The piano-led title track ends the light on a sombre yet oddly glamourous note. With 'Darkness Falls Upon The Light', Luxury Stranger once again prove that the scenes below the radar of the masses carry the real treasure.

Luxury Stranger on Facebook
Luxury Stranger dot net

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

VIOLET SHADOW – FIRST SOLO STORY COMING SOON!

The pages of the first ever Violet Shadow solo story are now being illustrated by Francesco Savi. Violet's first adventure on her own will arrive in FEMFORCE issue 179 from AC Comics later this year. I'm really excited about this and I hope that Violet's debut solo outing will be enjoyed by readers.

Violet does have a future beyond this story. The first two parts of that future have been written, and news regarding this will be revealed when the time is right. I see the character as a mix between Marvel's Elektra, Lisbeth Salander from The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and the product of me watching so many urban-setting martial arts movies when I was a teenager.

I'm humbled and thrilled to be able to offer spin-off stories for Violet, and getting to do it in the pages of a title I've loved for over twenty years is such a rush!

FEMFORCE 179 will also feature my first ever NIGHTVEIL story, which is to be the character's first earth-bound story since returning from her lengthy adventures on Dark Dhagor, so that's quite an honour!

That story will feature a villainess called Miss Corrosion, and people familiar with the music of a certain band that her name may evoke can expect plenty of nods to other songs in the dialogue. It seemed like a fun thing to do after mentioning the name in a comment on Facebook seemed to garner a lot of interest. It was a blast to write, as they all are!

Sunday, 19 February 2017

A Short Story A Day Keeps The Badness At Bay


With a day job, two wonderful yet demanding children, a home life, writing comics and working on two new books, I don't really get much time for reading. Hell, I don't get much recreational time at all. My wife and I are trying to rework our schedules so that they include more self-care.

This is a big deal for us as we want to maintain a happy balance between what we have to do and what we want to do. This includes more time out together, more precious time with our kids, healthier escapades and trying to squeeze in some recreation of our own.

The lack of all of the above tends to have a detrimental effect on my brain chemistry, so it's time to change that. Something I used to do a while ago was read a short story every day.

My mind tends to be so busy that most novels don't hold my attention past the first 50-100 page, so short fiction is the best for me while things are so busy. Of course, with a ridiculously stuffed library of vintage science fiction (and rather a lot more), I won't run out of stories anytime soon.

Filling my head with stories helps it to tick along in a far more pleasant fashion, so this pleasant endeavour will begin again now. The difference this time is that, as of tomorrow, I'm intending to post a short review of each one as I go along.

Let's see how this works out.